I am talking about a time when my boy was a skinny 4 year old lad. We used to go out in the park often for an evening stroll. Eventually, my boy started playing with other kids around, and suddenly one day a mom blurted, “ Abhi, you are getting skinny day by day…mumma doesn’t give you food or what…haha ?” My boy looked at me in haze and replied, “ no aunty she gives, I eat too..,” failing to understand the overloaded sarcasm thrown at him. I gave a smile and asked him to continue playing. By this time, I was used to such sarcasms in my 4 years of motherhood life. Sadly, I was never spared, and getting judged as a mother was like “ ek ke saath ek muft muft muft….( get few free with one…) ” !! Sometimes, judging was fun for others, sometimes it was deliberate, and sometimes people did it out of their perpetual habit of judging mothers… I felt bitter !!
Does this scenario makes sense to you guys? Or I am the only chosen one 🙁 Right from the day I conceived, I was judged about how good or bad mother I was going to be. And…it is still continuing pretty generously !! My initially reaction was unvexed, as I thought this was the initial barge. But, I was wrong, it continued… and when I had my second child, nothing changed even then. Coming to think of it, why only new moms, for that matter, a seasoned mother is also not spared. Once a girl or boy grows up, for every wrong step, her mother is blamed and ripped apart royally. Sadly, mom shaming is culture that is here to stay I believe !
You are not breastfeeding? OMG that’s a sin !!
You look so skinny boy ….your mum doesn’t feed you well ?
She is so rude…I am sure her mom never taught her any good manners.
Why didn’t you do your homework, don’t your mom have this much time ?
You have not learnt to drape your Saree, you have such a hopeless mum..
You don’t cook well…why ? Your mum never taught you?
Oh how did your hurt yourself so badly, your mom is just so careless….
You are hungry and your mom is over the phone….OMG she is so cruel !
And…many many many more such incidents !!!
Talk about milk to school to manners to friends to cooking to Saree… if you failed ever, your mother is to be blamed for that…WHY? Why a mother is always judged ? Why there are parameters that will make a good or a bad mom. Well, I agree that sometimes we all make mistakes, and may be all mom’s are not perfect, and moms do go wrong in their own way also…but is it necessary to judge her, blame her and shame her for everything she does, always…forever ? I seldom hear people telling she is a perfect mom…but she is not perfect, will be ranted several times…. Sad !
I am still waiting for a time when someone will just stand out there and say… “hey mom… you have entered a new terrain of your life… just explore it. Make mistakes, learn and also unlearn. Your baby is your lump, nurture well, love to the hilt and ensure that your presence is felt ! Be stern, be tough… if that be the need ! Make choices that suits you the best ! Your baby is a wet clay, mold her/him with oodles of love, affection and pampering….with occasional dash of strictness ! It is not going to be easy, but you have to make it easy ! Live and cherish every moment of your motherhood and create an avalanche of memories !! It’s your ground, your game….play well, and don’t get dis-heartened by occasional defeats, because it will make your journey happening. Stay blessed girl, Much love and Power.” !!!
Don’t judge a mom, it hurts ! It really does ! Let’s try and stop it. Like I always say, motherhood is beautiful, but is also difficult. Let’s not make it a more stressful affair for any mom. Stop shaming and judging moms once and for all, it’s not worth it !!