I am married for 13 years now, and have two wonderful kids, who make my life complete in more ways than one. I dated my husband for five years before we finally decided to get married. Thankfully, it was a drama-less wedding, and everything moved on the way we planned. Honestly, ours was a kind of a Bal Vivah !! I always say this. Today, I believe it is a bit old fashioned to get married in early twenties. But, we loved, and anything that allowed us to stay together, was heartily welcomed.
We married, settled and life moved on, but here I was stuck with one thought that never allowed me peace. I was perennially worried , and it would not be wrong if I say I was going bonkers- How will he manage when we have a baby? Will he be a good father? I know him and he is least comfortable with kids…. Leave aside playing, and being a hands-on dad, I have not seen him holding a baby and blah blah blah !! I told myself in total Bollywood style…..shaadi hui nahi, bache ke bare mein soochne lagi.” But I screamed, and every single time I reasoned. I loved and knew him for reasonably good years… My apprehension didn’t fall from the sky. I know him well, and, this is one area I am gonna struggle with. He doesn’t like kids… He isn’t a father material.. I mean like boy friend and husband material…!!! I justified again and again and again. My husband knew nothing about it. I never discussed. My bad ! But, I don’t know why and when did it become so imperative that my kid should have a great dad. Funny thing, I was myself quite unsure about how great or hopeless a mom I was going to be… ! Senselessly, nothing worked and my dumb fear, my anxiety, my premonitions, and everything stayed with me, and perhaps amplified every single day till ……my son was born.
My Abhi was born 4 years after our marriage. All through my pregnancy, my hubby was emotionless and stoic, if I can use this word. He never showed any excitement about our baby, even though he took care of me like a thorough gentleman. Love and care was in air, water, earth….everywhere !! I have no complains whatsoever. But then, that never made me relax. I insisted, cajoled and tried everything possible to bring out “Baap ka pyar”, but in vain. Finally, the time came. It was going to be a c-section delivery, and I willingly accepted it. My husband was supportive, and I couldn’t have asked for more. I might sound weird but I was still thinking about my monster thoughts. “Par mein kya karti yaar….”, I told my friend who was sure that I completely lost it in my hormonal upheavals…! Bewakufon ko samjhana mushkil hi nahi namumkeen hai… was the last line I heard along with peck from my man before I reached OT.
I met my son right at the operation table, and the first few words I uttered was “please show to my husband”. Yes, I was still crazy !! The nurse smiled, “Relax… we will.” But how could I have relaxed…. I was anxious, what he will do after seeing the baby… Will he hold him, kiss him, touch him.. smile…. Or Will have tears of joy? It was finally the moment of truth…. huh !!
As I was wheeled out of operation theater, my husband was nowhere to be seen… My heart sank! Hey Bhagwan bhag gaya kya…, I quipped in my mind . I was muttering…i knew it…I knew it…when I entered my room almost on the verge of bursting into a perennial river … and OMG guess what I see… I couldn’t believe it !
Here is the new dad, with his new creation, wearing a ‘I AM A COOL DAD’, t-shirt. When did he buy this?….anyway never mind…!! Holding our baby near about perfect. One hand on the neck…other at the buttocks, immaculately wrapped in blue. Keeping the baby close to his heart delicately, dad was smiling, talking, and taking every little step to make Abhi comfortable. Here comes moomaa…, he shouts…. yeah we are Sarabhai VS Sarabhai fans too! And, I smiled, quickly wiping the tinny drop from my eye. I looked at him in awe. Happiness and pride was dripping from his face, it was all over him. I was meeting a dad now, not my husband. I was awestruck…completely floored and above all insanely happy. We three struck a pose and the happiest face was his. I fell in love with him all over again… !
I was wrong, I ensured myself..yeah I was…I was indeed !!
Next three days went in jiffy. You know you are a parent when your life rolls upside down. I was still gathering myself, but he was brilliant, he was super, he was cool, he was calm….cradling, diapers and few hours of night out too, smiling all the way! Only if he could feed too… I joked with him. He proved me wrong with every action, every gesture and for the first time I was too happy to be proven wrong. I wanted to steal just one moment with him amidst all the hullabaloo, and got that once we reached home. Tired and fragile, I managed a hug….wrapping myself around him and holding him tight, I whispered “ I NEVER KNEW YOU ARE A SUPER DUPER DAD” !!!
This blog was originally submitted by the author at mycity4kids.com